so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
