that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
