Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
