I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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