i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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