The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
