I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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