After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
