Your dad touched me again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
