It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
