He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
