I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
