Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
