Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
