we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
