There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
