Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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