I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
A bitchslap is in order.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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