so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
