i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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