We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
