Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
