the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
