I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
