My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
