I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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