I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
