you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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