Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I skipped work to stalk him.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
