remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
