Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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