story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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