so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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