New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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