apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
