He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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