I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
