her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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