I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
