My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
