So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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