i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
