I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
