Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
