Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
