I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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