I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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