I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
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