i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
