i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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