you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
