PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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