Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
too bad you live with your parents still
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
