Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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