What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
