i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
