There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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