The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
