My room smells like vodka and shame
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
