Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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