sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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