i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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