nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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