You're so nebulous sometimes
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize
