If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
