Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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