i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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