I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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