literally had 100 drinks last night.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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