maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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