i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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