he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
