shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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