Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
