I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
