also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
